~ November 2003 ~

November 8, 2003 - Saturday
10:36AM

Yesterday, I got an e-mail that read:

Subject: Not sure if anyone's reading this, but...

I read a post on the Usenet that Justin (of Justin's Koool Page) had been killed in a car accident this past September. Not sure if anyone is reading his email, but if they are, is this true? If it is, maybe someone should post something on the site. Very sad to hear if that's the case.

Brian

Kinda funky to read about you being dead. Not an experience one encounters often either. It sets off all kinds of thoughts: not the "life is short" type but rather the "what if I were"'s.

And now I feel like a heel for having not updated the journal. I've made folks worry about me, when really I was just busy... busy, and well, a bit avoiding the blindly hot mirror the journal sometimes forces me to see.

I mean, I know the areas of my life which need work, but articulating them makes attention to them all the more urgent. I can sweep them under the rug in my own mind, but writing about them (with or without an audience) is like hanging a sign that says "Please be advised: Dirt is under the rug." That makes it a little harder to ignore.

And stepping back from it all, I wonder what happened to the Justin who threw his dirt out there and said, "There is it is!" He didn't sweep it under the rug, nor did he need a sign to point out that it was there. He just left it out in the open, for everyone, including himself, to see.

And so, here's to having the dirt out there. Heck, here's to buying a broom and sweeping it out the door. It's time to start making changes and to keep making them, as I've slowly already begun.