My life... April 15-30, 1995

I am mad! I've not been what I consider mad since I started this web site... the last time I was mad was right before I decided to move out of Warren Towers, back in November.

But I guess I should tell you this chronologically...

First a little background that won't be needed until later, but it happened first. Anyway, I talked to Steve yesterday and made sure we still had plans for the date. We did and everything was okay. He made one small request, though, saying that he didn't like to have dates at clubs and wanted the date to be over before we went to Bobby's. He explained it in a wierd fashion, but I managed to reword it and ask, "So you're saying that you just want to be able to party when we're at the club and not have to stick next to me the whole time?" He said that I was exactly right and I explained that his idea was good since Helen and Erika were going to be at the club and I had to pay attention to them. He further explained that he would dance the slow song with me.

Now the other stuff, so one o'clock Norm called me and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with

4:34AM

Jeff my ex- and Kyung stopped by to cheer me up, so I sorta quit this diary mid-entry... anyway, more on Jeff & Kyung in the chronological reference.

So, at one o'clock Norm called me and asked if I wanted to go to lunch with him and a friend. I said okay and hurriedly got dressed to meet them.

We had lunch and then Norm and I went to a florist near the Copley T stop and I bought Steve 10 white roses for $8.00... Norm commented on how he wished he had someone to buy him red roses, but there were no red roses there. So I didn't do anything about it.

We walked back to the T stop and passed a newstand which had three red roses for $2, so I bought them for him. He was so happy... he actually said, "I think I'm going to cry." I had the best time giving him those.

On the T, a lady commented about how nice my roses were and then we made it back to BU's campus. Norm went to his dorm and I came on back to my apartment where I proceeded to get ready. --It was around 3:40PM--

So I got ready and called Helen & Erika just to make sure they were still going to meet me at Bobby's (Norm was going to take them and I was going to meet them there.) They were still going to meet me and then it was time for me to meet Steve.

I called him up and he said that he was running five minutes late. Since I was going to be early, I waited a little longer here, then left to meet him at his Emerson College dorm. I got there at 6:05PM... exactly five minutes late.

A friend of his escorted me to his room after I explained that I was there to see him and she left me there. He was in the shower and wasn't ready. At 6:25PM he was dressed and ready to go. In the meantime, though, I looked around his room and saw that we have some of the same interests in movies... anyway, he was ready at 6:25PM and we left.

We walked to a nearby McDonald's and ate. He said that since I paid for the comedy club, he would pay for dinner. I said okay and I truly doubt that he knew the comedy club tickets were $28.

So we ate, talked about life, and just generally got to know each other. We then walked towards Faniel Hall, where the comedy club was located, and got to know each other some more.

We made it back to Faniel Hall at around 7:55PM and he went to the bathroom while I went and picked up the tickets. We went inside and we were sitting on the front row... well, I was sitting on the front row and he was behind me... my knee was touching the stage and the microphone was an arm's length away from me. I couldn't believe we were so close and I knew something would be said to us since I was wearing a Flintstones tie & a Dino vest while he had bright blond hair with red tips.... I was wrong... I was the only one that was talked to.

The first words out of the comedian's mouth were "Nice vest!" Then throughout the night I came to be known as "BU Boy" and was asked various questions ranging from "What do you do?" to "What's your favorite food?" I had fun, though, and Steve seemed to be laughing quite a lot as well.

Afterwards, we headed for the T... we walked back to Emerson and he was walking me to the T stop, but then Bill & some Emerson friends met him on the sidewalk... they were going to Bobby's. --Apparently, Steve was supposed to meet them at 10:30 so that they could all go to Bobby's. But it was 10:50 when we passed them on the street so they were going without him.-- So, he said he needed to run back to the dorm, but for us to wait at the T stop. As they walked on, he motioned for me to come to him. I did and he told me that he had a really nice time and gave me a handshake. I was hoping for a peck or a hug, but a handshake was what I got.

So we go to the T station and wait for him. He shows up with an over 21 friend's id. And we head for Bobby's. The date was over, but he still sat next to me and basically hung around me both on the T and during the wait at the changing of trains.

Anyway, we get to Bobby's and I go looking for Helen & Erika while he goes off on his own. Just like we agreed. I find them and they've brought Justin (another BU student/friend... also Erika's boyfriend) along. They're standing up above watching the dance floor. So I talked with them and got them to come down and dance.

We danced for a while and I looked to see where Steve was. He was at the bar talking to a guy with a vertically striped shirt. But, no big deal, there just talking and so I dance with Helen, Erika, and Justin trying to make sure they have a good time. We danced for about thirty minutes; Erika was tired, so I told them they could go ahead and leave if they wanted. They had a good time but were ready, so they did.

I danced with Norm and Bill and various people during the night. I eventually came to find that Jeff (my ex-) was there and I danced with him some. That was until about 12:30. Then Steve came over and said that he was drunk and that he wanted to appologize for "anything I might do tonight which upsets you." I told him that I'd been keeping tabs on him and had seen him with the vertically striped shirt guy. He said the he had been a little close to him a little while ago and that was about it... a few minutes later, Steve said that he was headed back to the bar to get another beer, but that he'd be back in a little bit to dance with me.... a little bit never came.

So I was dancing and then I see that he's dancing with the vertically striped shirt guy once again.. They'd danced together about three times before but this time, I thought I saw them kiss. I waited a second and then I saw it, they were... they were french kissing... I couldn't believe it. All I got was a #$@%ing handshake at the end of our date, but he was over there french kissing this guy.

I was so upset... I mean upset. I hadn't been this upset since the whole dorm deal... I began to gag uncontrollably. I started to almost throw up, but managed to calm myself. Even now, when I think about it, I start to cough and gag. I am that upset about it.

Apology or not, drunk or not... I refuse to date a drunk slut...

So, I found Bill and told him that I was really mad at Steve because he was over there French kissing another guy and then pointed out the act so that Bill could see it himself. He did and then he said that if there was any way he could have warned me, he would...

I walked around a bit then told Norm that I was going to leave. He had previously asked me if I wanted to go to an after-party, but I didn't and I knew he was still planning on going. But, the great friend that Norm is, he asked me if I was going to be okay and did I want him to go with me. I told him no and then after telling Bill I was leaving, walked out of the club.

I walked down the street and then I was being chased by someone. It was Mark, who I now realize that I've completely left out of this diary entry. --I was dancing with Norm and I saw this guy. We did the smile thing a few times and then Norm told me to go for it. So I walked over to him and said, "Hi, I'm Justin." He said that his name was Matt and we started talking. Anyway, we talked and danced for a bit. I made a point, though, to explain how I'd had a date earlier in the night with Steve, but that we were there semi-separately at the club. So Matt and I hung out-- So on the street, Matt said, "So what about your phone number?" I said, "Oh, I completely forgot. That whole situation has just knocked me over." (He knew that I was upset about Steve kissing that other guy.) But anyway, we exchanged phone numbers and talked for about two more minutes. He had to go back to get his friend at the club and I got a cab and then came back here. Even in the cab, I was having to force myself not to gag... I can believe anyone would have the nerve to do that... even if I was the worst date in the world and he never wanted to see me again, that was still REALLY bad manners to go kiss another guy... and to apologize beforehand, what's the deal with that? He was so conscious that he was going to do something that he told me... if he was that conscious, he should have been able to stop himself.

Anyway, I made it back here and then called Helen since she vented to me about man problems last week and I figured I could return the favor... I knew she would be asleep, but I simply had to talk to a real person.... but she didn't answer her phone. So I called Erika and told her all about what happened. She was supportive and she listened... that's all I wanted.

So around 2:45AM, Jeff and Kyung buzzed. I went down and let them in. They were here to let me vent to them as well... but about ten minutes after getting here, Bill called. He was apologizing for Steve. He again said that he wished he could have warned me about Steve, but there was no way. I also found out that vertical stripe boy had given Steve a ride back to his dorm and that they were both in Steve's dorm room right then.... the icing on that proverbial cake...

So I talked to Bill for a bit then got back to Jeff and Kyung. They listened to me for a good while and told me how I should do this and that. After that, Jeff and I caught up on how things had been since we'd broken up. He returned the money which I gave him as my half of the flight change fee which turned out not to be charged (from spring break.)

Basically, we caught up on each other's lives and then at around 4:30AM, they left. I then started typing this...

I'm still really upset about Steve... he seemed like a really nice guy, cute, funny, interesting, but...

I have no idea what I'll say when he calls...

April 23, 1995

2:44PM

Well, he called... about an hour ago. He apologized and pleaded and all that. He said that that wasn't really like him. I told him that I'd talked to a few people and heard otherwise, that he was looking for a relationship but was more preoccupied with screwing around. He said that I couldn't have talked to a few people since Bill was the only person that had heard him say a sentence similar to that. I didn't say anything for or against his idea that Bill was who I talked to. He then started saying that he was going to have to have a talk with Bill. I told him that Bill wasn't the cause of anything and to leave him alone. By the end of the conversation, he promised that he would say absolutely nothing to Bill in regards to our talk. I told him that I would definitely be able to tell since Bill would treat me differently. He said he knew. So at least I don't have to worry about upsetting Bill.

So, anyway, Steve begged and pleaded. I explained how I'd been so upset that I was about to puke. He apologized and rationalized and said that he'd try to make it up... So we talked for about an hour and finally I said that I would go out with him again on Saturday. Yes, I know what you're thinking, but I'm crazy... I'll give anyone a second chance... Chris (my ex-best friend that I referred to a few days ago who didn't speak to me for two years)... anyone... but the minute he screws up this time. It's over. No if's, and's or but's.

Now I'm just worried about explaining this to Norm, Erika, and friends...

April 24, 1995

4:33PM

Well, I talked to Norm, Helen and several people about the whole deal... It think that Norm was the only person that actually agreed with what I'm doing (giving Steve another chance).

I guess I'm ever the eternal hopeful... with Adam, I was going to change him into the sensitive, good looking stud that I wanted... now with Steve, I want to turn him into the loyal guy he could be... what can I say... I just don't know... I should know that I can't change people, but my goal in life is to change people... to change the public's (both straight and gay) perception of gays... I believe I can change the world... that may be idiotic and childlike, but hope is what I have...

In other news, I'm still working on this darn COM paper and I want to just issue a general thank you to all you guys who helped... I'm still not quite sure where the focus will be, but I'll know soon since I'll be having a one-on-one conference with the professor tomorrow afternoon.

Also, I got my bill from Webcom.com today and you guys are really accessing my pages.

                             Amount       Quota   Over     price/amt    Total
03/24/95 Network Traffic      846.59   MB  200.00  646.59   1.95 100MB   12.61

and that's in addition to the regular monthly charge... I'm not complaining, though. I'm rather happy that my pages are getting this much use... it took a lot of accesses to download 846.59 megs of stuff... hope you guys enjoyed it.

April 25, 1995

12:40AM Technically April 26, 1995

Let's see... today I didn't have to wake up until almost noon since my first class was at one. COM was canceled because of one-on-one conferences. I went to my psych. class then headed for my conference. My prof. looked over my paper and really liked it. I was completely shocked since I thought the thing sucked. She told me that she'd been reading papers for five hours straight and if she thought mine was interesting, I should probably believe her... Fine by me; her opinion is the one that counts. Anyway, I still have to make some minor changes and do a little more research before the next draft which is due Thursday.

Since today was a good day both weather-wise and class-wise, I decided I wanted to do something. So I e-mailed Damon, the guy I met last week through e-mail, asking him if he was free. Before he had replied, I called Erika and Helen, but they were both busy with papers. Anyway, Damon called and we agree to get together for dinner... he met me here at my apartment and we went to Uno's.

He ate a pizza and I had a cheeseburger then we came back to the apartment where we watched Wes Craven's New Nightmare. I hadn't planned on watching it, but I was showing him my c.d. collection and then we got to talking about it, so I turned it on. Actually, I had planned on just eating dinner then parting ways. --I told him that I didn't want to "party until midnight" whenever we talked on the phone.-- But, anyway, we watched the movie and then I walked him to his car at about five until midnight. I could tell that he wanted a kiss or something because he kept standing by his car and made no effort to get inside. So while he was facing his car, I went up behind him and gave him a hug. He's fun to hang out with, but I really don't want to give him the wrong impression. I just don't think anything romantically is going to happen between us. (and yes, I'm coping out by writing that here since I know he'll read it.)

Anyway, we said that we might get together Thursday night, so who knows...

I feel like such a creep for writing this here... I'm going to e-mail him and tell him first...

1:06AM

Okay, I wrote Damon an e-mail telling him what I wrote above...

2:30AM

Also, I just wanted to let you guys know that yesterday more things were downloaded from my website in a single day than ever before... 14147!!

And one other thing, I want to let all you Australian guys know that I and almost all Americans know that the seasons are reversed in the US compared to Australia... Today I got yet another letter from an Australian telling me about the seasonal difference and that spring really is in September as mentioned in Muriel's Wedding. I know this... that is why it was funny.

April 26, 1995

6:21PM

I just got this anonymous e-mail...

yes, it's true!!! I am red-haired, young, good-looking,
and I live in the greater Boston area...

[snip... just some more bull]

...if this sounds like 
love at first sight to you, give me a call, you conceited,
overbearing, self-important fudge-packing, stool-eating 
drag queen!

I can't believe it... that's exactly me (sarcasm here if it doesn't come across in my writing) You know what's funny... you'd have to spend a good while on my site to learn that I'm from Boston, now wouldn't you

... Can we say "closet case" boys & girls? Where are the good 'ole days when homophobes had the nerve to confront you face to face? Now they have to hide behind anonymous e-mail addresses...

Instead of hurting my feelings like I'm sure this letter was intended, it's made me happy... what a gain gays have made that homophobes are afraid to denounce us in public (or to even use their real e-addresses).... WAY TO GO GUYS!!