You name it: Today I've stressed about it... everything from AIDS, to melanoma, to Rob, to apartment finding,
to job finding, to bill paying, to my hearing being muffled, to business starting, to getting back to Boston, to almost everything. I'm so emotionally
drained. Life seems to be going no where, and I'm surviving on my last nerve.
August 14, 1995
12:48PM
Well, yesterday and today have been better... though I did have to do some "unpleasant" tasks.
This morning I called Kate at COM and told her that my loans had been denied. She was concerned and
said that she was sorry to hear it. She asked me a few questions about the why's and when's of it all and said
that she couldn't think of anything to help but would speak to Dr. Root about my situation. I told her that I didn't expect
anything, that they'd already done all they could. She closed by saying that she'd give me a call back tomorrow.
I interjected, "Well, I was wondering about the PA stuff?" She told me not to worry about it right now, and I said
ok.
I then proceeded to call Helen and inform her of how I wasn't returning to BU but would still be back in Boston. We
talked for about ten minutes then a friend of Jeff's, Adam, arrived at the store.
I talked to Adam for a while--about Jeff for the most part--, but after about thirty minutes, he told me that
he was headed towards Lexington to pick up a lawnmower. He quickly added that he'd be back later this afternoon and hinted that he'd
like to get together with me to talk sometime. So I coaxed an actual invitation out of him and we agreed to meet later
this afternoon "for coffee". I don't know where we're going or what we're doing, but I'll be glad to actually interact with
another human being again.
2:13PM
While I was waiting for Adam to return, I got a call from the guy in LA who'd called before and invited me
to come to California for a mini vacation. He was calling to say that he'd read about my recent stressing and
was wanting to re-offer the trip. I talked to him for a while and it all sort of blows me away. I can't believe
that someone would actually want to meet me enough to fly me to California and to let me drive his car around and
to let me stay in his guest house. He has a guy and stressed that he's not interested in getting me there for sexual reasons, and
I believe him. Who knows, though. I told him that I'd talk to Rob about it.
5:22PM
Adam arrived back at the store around 3PM and we headed towards Applebee's for a lite lunch. We talked about
his life, about me going back to Boston, and other chit chat. He also mentioned how Jeff, my ex-, has his
picture in the September issue of OUT magazine in the section about Boston Pride Week.
After eating, we headed back to the video store and he asked me if I was doing anything Thursday afternoon. I told
him that I didn't know of anything, that we could see a movie if he wanted. He said okay... it's not a date, though. I don't
think there's sexual attraction for either of us. But he is someone to do something with before I leave for Boston... life
was starting to look up.
But when I got back to the store, I found another e-mail from Rob harassing me about my web page designs. It
read, in part, "I think we should strive to adhere to HTML 3.0 standards and not Netscape "extensions" on official
[RJ] pages." He's only seen three screen captures of my pages and knows good and well that I've used only
minimal Netscape extensions... but he continues to press on... and I'm very tired of it all. While dozens of you
wrote today to tell me to cheer up, he wrote to harp on things that have already been discussed and finalized.
That trip to LA by myself is looking nicer every minute.
7:24PM
I've got a date. Yesterday I got e-mail from a guy, Andy, who lives in Lexington
and has bright red hair. He e-mailed me, I e-mailed him, and so on until he gave me his phone number. Long story
short, I just finished talking with him and we've arranged to meet at the Lexington Green theatre to see Something To Talk About later tonight. I'm pretty excited.
On to August 15th...
Justin's Koool Page
© 1995-1999 Justin Clouse
-- But I mean, generic food probably tastes exactly the same as name brands, but almost
everyone pays more money for the flashy colors and koool packaging. If you'd found my page to be
nothing more than text without organization, do you think you'd have delved far enough into it to see this? Yet, Rob seems to think that
I don't know how to market something... and at the same time, he wants to create a company that's capable of
everything. As I told him, "You're planning the overtaking of Wal-Mart before you've opened the general store."
