My life... January 1995

January 23, 1995

Well, today has been one really sucky day. Actually, it's been one really bad week. But, back to tonight. I was out shopping for a scanner (to improve these pages) at a local mall. --Unfortunately couldn't find one under $500.-- When it came time to come back to my apartment, I was standing in line to get back on the T (that's "subway" for all you non-Bostonians) when five black late teens/early twenty year old guys demanded some change from me. I told them I didn't have any and then got my token out. They saw that I did indeed have some change, then demanded that I give it to them. I told them that it wasn't $0.85 so it wouldn't be enough for a token. One said, "Well, give me fifty-cents." I said "No." and then one of the guys said "You gonna make me rob you? Come on, let's rob his white ass... you white devil." I got increasingly nervous and moved up closer to the lady standing in front of me. One guy then said "No, I'm not going a rob you... punk," but another one kept saying, "You better give us some change."

So we got on the T with the guys not paying but intimidating their way past the T driver. I sat in the front car, as opposed to sitting in the rear as usual, to be next to the most people. As each one of them walked by, he gave me an evil look, but I tried to act as though I didn't notice. The most verbal one walked by last and punched towards me in order to make me flinch. But amazing, I didn't. I sat there unaffected (at least physically unaffected) while the guy mumbled something under his breath. For the entire ride back to my apartment, I kept worrying about whether they were going to follow me, how I would escape if they did, and what I would write here. I thought about embellishing this to make it more interesting, but the fact is, it doesn't need embellishment.

When you are part of a minority, you represent that minority to all the people that are not a member of it... Sure, that may not seem fair, but in society it is true. In other words, since I'm gay, anything that I do is considered representative for what a gay person does. Sure, there are exceptions but if you get burnt enough times, you're going to assume all stoves are hot. The people who think that racism is totally created by white people to keep them "down" are in fact a cause of the racism. If several Martians blamed humans for previous injustices and their current situations, and thus tried to intimidate and harass the humans, sooner or later, the humans would assume that all Martians are bad... Just my opinion.

January 27, 1995

Well, today has been one really bad day... I know, I've only written about bad days so far, but aren't those the ones that stick out. Anyway, tonight I went to go see the movie Little Women with my ex-boyfriend, but closest Boston friend, Adam. I didn't really want to go see it, but it was the only movie of those playing that he wanted to see. So we went... When we got to the theatre, I walked towards the ticket line and he walked over to the side. Only when I noticed he wasn't standing in line with me did I realize that I was paying for him. So I searched my pockets and just barely found enough money. I walked over to him and handed him his ticket. He never said a word... not a thank you or even any sort of grateful emotion. He simply took the ticket and went in. I was pissed. First he stuck me with paying and then he didn't even bother to thank me... So we went into the theatre and watched the movie, which was good (by the way). Afterwards, when we were leaving the mall, I told him how I was pissed that he stuck me with paying and then didn't even bother to thank me. So get this, he got mad at me for getting mad at him. I became totally baffled... I was the one who was supposed to be mad, not him. So, eventually, while waiting for the T, I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't. I asked him why he was mad: no answer. I asked if I was supposed to be the one who was mad: no answer. Finally, though, he told was mad because I was acting childish. He was mad at me for acting childish and in the process, he wasn't talking to me. Hello?

So we got on the T, he went back to his dorm, I went to my apartment. A few minutes later, he called I don't know exactly why he called. Perhaps to just to fuss, perhaps to try and solve something. But nothing got solved. Instead we both fought. He'd say something that I did wrong; I'd counter-punch with the reason I did something or why he made me do it. Then I'd say something that he did wrong... get the picture?

Eventually, we got no where. He got mad, told me that I wasn't work the trouble that he was putting up with me, and then hung up on me. I don't know whether to write him (e-mail) or just to let it go. I honestly don't think that any thing I could possibly say is going to change his mind. He is completely convinced of exactly what I am thinking even though I'm a --for the most part-- unpredictable person.

January 28, 1995

Nothing monumental happened today... nothing happened at all today. My roommate has gone home for the weekend. I didn't wake up until 4:30 this afternoon (Of course, I did stay awake until 6AM last night working on these pages.), and I've only left the apartment to go across the street to pick up a pizza. I've convinced myself that I will finish these pages before I go to sleep tonight (It's already 12:05AM). So, even though I have no clue who you are right now, if I interest you, write me...

January 29, 1995

Well, I finally went to sleep at 8:45AM last night then re-woke at noon to work on these pages again... I have now finished... it's 6:50PM and once again I've neglected my homework. I hope all of you appreciate other's web sites, because they take much more work than it would seem to create. I know now that I should have been more appreciative... anyway, have fun. Hope you like what I've done... let me know, I'd hate to have done all this for no one to even see it.

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