[The Infamous COM Paper]

The Internet:
More Than Just Fun and Games

by
Justin Clouse
May 4, 1995

Please note: This paper has been modified for the Internet. Names have been changed as well as some descriptions.

It's 2AM in California. Sean is sitting at his computer staring at the eerie white glow from the screen. He's just spent the last three hours at a single web site reading about a total stranger's interests, hobbies, and life in Boston. There's so much he wants to say to this stranger, but all his manages to write is, "Excellent page on the WWW. I like your article and your ability to admit who you really are to the world. Good luck with everything. -Sean." He sends his e-mail on its way and goes to sleep.

When Sean turns on his computer the next morning, he finds a reply waiting for him. The communication bridge has been established...

For Sean and countless others, the Internet has become a safe, anonymous place for gays and lesbians to find others with similar hopes, dreams, and desires. It has allowed gays, lesbians, and bisexuals to find role models lacking in mass media. And unlike the club scene, people still dealing with their sexuality can spurn unwanted advances or uncomfortable situations with a simple flip of the power switch.

It's now a month later and Sean is a different person. Through his letters with this guy across the country, he has been able to say things he could have never said out loud.

"I don't know where I would be if I hadn't found that web site last month... probably the same place I was, miserable and self-loathing. But now I'm pretty much comfortable going out to clubs, hanging around gay people, whatever."

Sean is not alone. "soc.motss" (members of the same sex), an electronic newsgroup dealing with all aspects of being gay or lesbian, receives approximately two hundred posts per day and is read by thousands more. During a recent week, topics varied from ones of obvious homosexual relevance such as "Gaydar: What is it?" and "Is 'lesbian' a sexist word?" to those with no particular pertinence such as "The merits of seat belt use" and "The Oklahoma [City] blast."

Aric, a college student in The Netherlands, traveled from Amsterdam to Scotland before he gave much thought to his sexuality. "I did my first forays into Internet country in Scotland when I was looking for ways to meet other gay people. I looked around the newsgroups a lot, especially "soc.motss," and found out that, thank God, I am not the only gay scientist in existence."

But "soc.motss" is just one of the many general newsgroups dedicated to sexual minorities. Several groups such as "soc.support.youth.gay-lesbian-bi" have a narrower focus. Topics there, such as "Why you shouldn't come out to your parents" and "Help me choose a college," stay more closely related to the group's essence due to a moderator who first weeds out inappropriate items. This approach further encourages timid gay youth still dealing with their sexuality to post without fear of harassment. But these are only two examples of the nearly five thousand newsgroups available on the Internet.

The World Wide Web, in turn, has brought faces to these people otherwise known only as a collection of text. Web sites have allowed Internet users, who are almost exclusively white males, to present themselves through text, pictures, and sounds. For most, the web has become the place to be. It allows gays to show heterosexuals that they're not only "normal," but that they have the same goals, ideas, and feelings. Moreover, the web allows gays who otherwise feel alone to read about and interact with others.

Mike, a 32 year old civil employee of the Austrian government, first started using the 'net when he needed information for his job, but quickly learned of the gay related items there. "I started to go through gay guys' [web] pages. I was fascinated. There was some kind of pattern in all these pages (types of info, images, autobiography, etc.) but also the comforting feeling of getting to know someone living far away... I thought it was fascinating."

Matt, a 22 year old public relations executive in Boston, found the Internet as "a great way to explore issues of my sexuality... It's a very easy, private, safe way to expose yourself to elements of gay culture without feeling threatened or obligated."

Since Mike, Matt, and anyone else could simply escape by turning off his computer, the Internet gave them a way to watch like an outsider. At a gay organization's meeting or at a nightclub, a person may be pressured to conform to the group. But on-line, the web "surfer" controls everything. If someone encounters something unsettling, there's no pressure to stay; a simple click of the mouse and it's gone...

But even after self-acceptance, the 'net provides a place for gays to find others with similar ideas. "The most striking thing is the very positive... and open attitudes of gay people on the net. The way they communicate is in no way different, apart from the 'inside jokes' and jargon, from other people on the 'net, which was a relief." Aric added, "I'm not what one could call promiscuous --effectually celibate is more the case-- but in gay circles, that is mostly not done. The 'net allowed me to see that I'm not a minority in a minority. It didn't help me to understand myself better... but it did help me to understand the world, and how gays perceive and are perceived, in a very general way."

The Internet's support structure works both ways. Ken, a student at the University of Mississippi, found himself as an unintended helper. "I was logged onto AOL [America Online] and a kid in Texas who was having problems accepting himself asked for help. We chatted on-line for a while, then he called me. We talked on the phone for a couple of hours and continue to be friends. I was glad to help."
Still others have been on the Internet for years to only recently find its help in coming to terms with their sexuality. John, a 27 year old administrative employee at Virginia Tech., asserts "I was introduced to the Internet several years ago... I used e-mail, gopher and ftp sites extensively for academic research; never for personal use... but none of those are truly interactive. Last year, a friend told me about IRC, the Internet Relay Chat system that allows people all over the world to communicate in real-time via text relay. I immediately logged in and was lost in the myriad of channels available."

As of April 22, over 27 channels were dedicated to gays, they included, among others: GayTeens, a channel defined only as being restricted to gay teens; GaySM, a channel whose description line reads, "We're beating the living daylights out of the ones we love"; and GayHelp, the self proclaimed "Family Channel for Help, Happiness, Hope and Hanging OUT."

For John, IRC channels became his path to self-realization. "I began visiting these channels because I am a closeted homosexual. For 26 years I had told no one I was gay... not even myself. There was no way for me to meet normal gays here in Texas. This was a low point in my life; I was very alone and sad... so I started lurking on a channel. Alas, I soon found that they were only interested in the size of my penis and whether I was a top or a bottom. So I left and started hanging out on another channel, one with no sex talk, just a bunch of college kids and such. I was lucky and grateful to have the conversation and virtual companionship."

Through the course of the next few months, John came to meet a few others on the IRC and begin to trust them. "I told Chad my situation, my fears, my dreams. I think he was just so happy to have someone to talk to. He was smart, witty, outdoorsy and gay... the same type of person I wanted to be. I was even bold enough to ask very personal questions about homosexual physical relationships. I kept apologizing to him for asking those questions, but he quickly told me that there was nothing to be ashamed of. This forever endeared him to my heart. He was never pornographic in his answers... just simple and direct."

After getting to know Chad and coming to trust him, John decided to meet him in person. "I summoned the strength to actually attend an IRC party that was hosted by Chad. I drove 450 miles for the weekend and met both him and his boyfriend. They were nice guys, clean cut, nicely-mannered college guys, who just happened to be gay."

For John this experience was completely shocking. "I soon told Chad's boyfriend that I was gay and he told me that he had already guessed. I was shocked. I asked him how he knew and he said, 'Gaydar.' I was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe that people could tell that I was gay.

"So two months after I entered the Internet via IRC, I had two friends who knew I was gay. Slowly the number has grown to nine, that's including you with this interview."

These guys helped John both personally and then in his maneuvering around the 'net. "I was told to check out the homepages of gays on the net. I went looking for male photos but instead found guys who just want to find someone to love and to be loved by... I can think of nothing better than watching a movie, holding hands, snuggling, and hugging. Those were the exact things that these guys were looking for.

"At first I felt voyeuristic reading about the intimate details of these guys' lives, but I found that they were writing of the very things that I was afraid to do... going to clubs, dancing with guys, but also experiencing the issues that I will one day have to face... dealing with friends learning I am gay, dealing with parents... boyfriends.

"But I'm moving on and one day I know I'll be as comfortable with real-life people as I am with those I've met through the Internet."