Who the heck am I?

First off, I'm not the guy in the picture. I'm the guy in these pictures.
In short, though, I'm a twenty five year old who keeps an online journal and who happens to be gay. Each of those facets influences my perspective in life, to a large degree.

25

As a twenty-five year old, I've got a fair share of life under my belt, but I know there's a lot still left to "explore". Currently, I'm single and living in San Diego on my own, but I was essentially married for the past five years, with two kids and two dogs, and a husband who loved me. Married life was nice, really nice in hindsight, but being in a relationship with a guy twice my age left my desires for a "cute young stud muffin" unfulfilled. Having never really dated anyone who made me want to hang from the chandelier, I felt it was important that I pursue that. Moving out was the hardest experience I've ever had, and I've yet to find that chandelier guy, but I know he's out there... and probably red headed. ;-)

In short, as a twenty-five year old, I'm fairly stressed, have a few select people who care about me, and have the dreams and ambitions of most guys my age who haven't followed the corporate America path. As of this writing, I'm working on getting the 1995 journal entries into book form, and I'll know I've truly made it when I read "Justin Clouse's Assistant - Steve WhateverHisNameWillBe" at the end of a movie. And as crazy as it sounds, I know that some day, that will happen.

Online Journal Keeper

As one might imagine, keeping a journal online is not something I do without consequence. Those consequences are often good, amazingly great even, and some of the best people I have ever met have come into my life after finding my writings, but my appositive is "the guy with the website." To think that "Justin's Life..." simply exists but does not affect is naive. The more one knows me, the less it affects, as one simply becomes accustomed to the "camera," but as I just moved to a new city, the effects of the my writings are pronounced. I know there are people out there who would otherwise meet me except for the fact that I may write about them, negatively or positively, but keeping a journal and sharing it with the world is part of who I am. If that means not meeting certain people, it's a price I'm willing to pay.

It's probably also worth noting that my online journal was, to the best of my knowledge, the first. I try to keep my ego in check, but I am proud that "Justin's Life..." was the original and that it's much more than a collection of inconsequentials.

Gay

I'm gay. It's amazing how hard those words were to write in high school. It's amazing how hard those words are to speak sometimes, even today. But I'm gay and that's a huge part of my life, too, and not for the reason's you'd think.

I don't believe in pride parades, protests, or drag, but being gay does change how I see the world. It lets me put a logic on things which most people just take for granted. Take for example gay marriage: two penises somehow negates the fact that the two people can be committed and love each other?

Being gay, too, is one of the major reasons for this online diary. A lot of guys are out there struggling with who they are in a society that tells them they're something they aren't. You can be gay and be normal. That's the whole "why" of this site. That's the whole reason I need that "Justin Clouse's Assistant - Steve WhateverHisNameWillBe" at the end of a movie. I need to make a difference. I have made a difference. And being gay is how I'm going to change the world.

That, too, may seem far fetched to you... but I've got the "You saved my life" letters to prove it, and each life changes the next, so in my own way, I'm already changing the world, as are you.

Now, don't go thinking I'm some super spiritual weirdo just because I believe that I'm going to change the world and have my assistant's name at the end of a movie. You asked, by clicking the link, "Who" I am, and I had to answer. I earnestly believe what I've written here. At the very least, I'm a 25 year old who keeps an online journal and who happens to be gay. The rest is all up to supposition.